What Would You Do If You Were Brian Laundrie's Parents?

New Developments and Hard Questions in the Gabby Petito Case

I thought I would stay away from this case because it’s gotten so much attention in the past month. I am also going to assume that everyone reading my newsletter this week is at least familiar with the basic facts of this tragic case. If not, go here.

There has been a backlash over the amount of attention and resources the victim in the case, Gabby Petito, received when she was reported missing on September 11, 2021. The main criticism has been that there are hundreds of missing people - men, people of color - who barely get a nod in a local newspaper. But, because Gabby was a beautiful, young, white woman, the world came to a stop to look for her.

I have three thoughts about this. One, there is undoubtedly some truth in this pushback. Two, the fact that Gabby and Brian were so active on social media, also contributed. There were over 60,000 Instagram followers virtually hitchhiking along with this young couple before any hint of trouble was made public.

Three; to their credit, Gabby’s parents have chosen to handle their grief by helping other families with missing children. They recently announced the establishment of a foundation in Gabby’s name with this mission and, during the press conference, openly talked about the disparity in how missing cases are handled and their desire for every missing person to get the same attention and help that Gabby did.

Brian’s parents, on the other hand, have not said a word. They ignored eleven days of frantic calls and texts by Gabby’s parents, who were desperately searching for their daughter. They resisted police efforts to find Gabby. They kept quiet about their vanished son until four days after he disappeared.

As a mom of four adult kids (two boys), I’ve thought long and hard about this situation. I am sure it looks a lot more complicated from the inside looking out than the inside looking in. I can also understand the instinct we parents have to protect our kids, no matter how old and no matter the circumstances.

We also don’t know what Brian told his parents; for all we know, he said that he left Gabby alone but alive in the national park near Jackson, Wyoming after a fight. Or he told them a tragic tale about self-defense gone terribly wrong and his fear that he would be convicted of murder when it was really an accident. Of course, if he lied, the chicken came home to roost after the coroner revealed last week that Gabby was strangled to death.

As you may know, intimate partner violence allegations have swirled around this case ever since we found out that, on August 12, a witness called 911 to report a man hitting a girl and the two of them getting into a white van and driving off. Moab, Utah police officers followed up, found the van with Gabby and Brian inside, and found a very distraught Gabby and very calm Brian. You can see the bodycam footage here.

I don’t hold Chris and Roberta Laundrie responsible for what Brian may or may not have done. Contrary to popular belief, most batterers were not victims of child abuse themselves (although a significant minority were). Neither did most watch a parent batter a spouse.

But I do wonder what Brian’s parents witnessed in the two years Brian and Gabby lived with them. Did they see some of the same jealous and controlling behavior described by Gabby’s friends? Did they hear slaps or see arguments escalate into fights? If so, did they make excuses for him or protect him like it seems they’re doing now? Did they ignore Gabby’s fear and distress like they ignored her parents’ worried texts and phone calls.

We don’t know and perhaps we’ll never know. But I do know that, just as it takes a village to raise a child, it sometimes takes one to enable a batterer.

What are your thoughts about this case? I’d love to know!